In which an "adventure destination" is pretty tame (and yet, strange)

I spent two days at a library conference this week...and the conference center just happened to be located across the street from a BRAND-NEW GEAR STORE:

Of course, I had to go take a look at the "REI for Rednecks" shop!

These yabbos were guarding the door.  

"Welcome to Cabela's.   We are paid to look serious at this kiosk."
It was like trying to make the guards at Buckingham Palace smile!

They sneered at the thought that I might be packing heat.  I took their picture.  I think that makes us even.

Looking welcome, but slightly out-of-place beside the normal Cabela motel-paintings, a sun figure carved in the NW Coastal style:
Artwork in Cabela's is usually stuffed dead animals and bad landscape prints,
 but their contract with the local landowning tribe stipulates Native Art
made by real natives who are really artists.  Hooray!
And then we got to this:
My first thought:  "Dang, I'll bet the storytimes here are REALLY  exciting!"
Then there's the toy area, which made my feathers all go the wrong direction:
True, the truck hitch will never reach that trailer ball without major custom mods.
 But that wasn't my main objection.

Closeup of the figures.
The center horse's left front leg is weirdly too long.
But that wasn't my objection, either.
How is it that the big logger-looking guy is in the scene with the horses?  Do these people not know anything?  
This is the toy deemed appropriate for girls.
As a kid, I played endlessly with my brother's (distinctly non-pink) Big Jim Sports Camper...

but I swear (and my mom will back me on this) that Big Jim and all the other dolls stayed in the box.  The "person" driving that camper and stuff was ME.  

There were other clues that I am not quite the "target female demographic" for this store:

Seriously?  No man would buy this.
Pink camo gift wrap is for ladies who are killing time while the menfolk
are checking out storytime at the Gun Library.

BAH HA HAH hah ahah ahahaha!
Trying to think if I know anybody who would wear this.
Funder?  Wanna volunteer?
There's some decent gear here.  The boots look sturdy enough (even the women's boots), and they had some sturdy-looking rain gear.  

But some stuff just seemed designed to make me laugh.  

So, I laughed.
A camouflage mobile device cord.
 Because you don't want your prey animals to know where you charge your iPhone.


  1. Hahaha! Oh my, so much ridiculousness, where to start? The only Cabelas I've been to had an entire mountain of creepy stuffed animals, herds of deer, yuck. I think the lingerie is the best? Worst? I will say on first glance I didnt think that was a phone charger... (dirty mind sneaking off now...)

  2. The "clothes" - ugh, they've got pink on them. And how would SAR find me if I was wearing CAMOUFLAGE? ;)

  3. The first Cabelas I went to was a huge one in Salt Lake City and I wasn't sure if I was in a store, a museum, or the zoo. And I already have a hard time finding my phone charger, it really doesn't need to be camo lol.

  4. Too funny, I'll admit to wondering what that phone charger was at first too!

    So, what's in the Gun Library? Inquiring minds want to know!

  5. HA! HAHAHAHAHahahahahahahaha!

    So weirdly wrong, as you point out! The gun library: what happens if you don't like their stories? Do you disappear, only to reappear as a mannequin with "realistic" glass eyes?

    I could go with the Pink Humvee. But not in a powder pink. If you're going to go pink, go HOT.

    The camo bikinis: I find yelling "cannonball" and leaping at trees a bit...damaging? (Not to mention this tiny triangle of cloth would not hide anyone from a predator.) I think a swimming pool blue, water print camo would be more effective, and beloved by swimming pool moms all over the world. (Mom! Would you get Mom?!)

    Little known fact: deer will sneak up to your vehicle to see if you are charging your iPhone before they will hide. Unlike humans, they like to play fair, and want to know if you'll be able to dial 911 after the buck gets mad and spears you with his prongs.

    Another library of note: we were driving to Yosemite (national park, protected wild-life area). One of the towns we drove through had (oh how I wish I had a cell phone at the time that took photos!) "The Yosemite Wildlife Museum and Shooting Range". Yup. Shot 'em and show 'em off. Of course they're dead. Otherwise you wouldn't see them, they hide.

    Hilarious. I'm putting this in my ER button!


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