|The Bad Idea Fairy and trusty steed "Holdmybeerandwatchthis"|
Intro: I am the Bad Idea Fairy (giggle!) and my horse is a super-special Lipizzan-Morgan-Mustang Stallion. I started the registry myself online and Fuggles is my foundation stallion. His registered name is “HOLDMYBEERANDWATCHTHIS” because that’s what kind of registered names LipiMorStangs will have. They are beautiful and have the best of all the breeds, and they have special gates, too: the Trollop™ and the Cantelope™. His breeder called him “Fuggly”, which I think is adorable, so I call him Fuggles because he’s my Snuggley-Wuggley-Fuggle-Boo. We are going to be beautiful together and win every race.
Friday, 2 pmFinally I’m ready to pack the trailer and load Fuggles and go to our first endurance race! I thought that nail artist was going to take all night, but I couldn’t imagine going to such an important event without getting my fingernails painted in our barn colors—PINK and GREEN forever!
Friday, 3:30 pmNo more room in the trailer. I tried to decide between bringing the PINK fleece cooler or the GREEN fleece cooler, and finally decided to bring them both. Same with the saddle pad: PINK or GREEN? Both! So excited.
I hope ride management will give me some hay, there wasn’t room to pack any in the trailer with all my special gear. I bought a brand-new pink-and-green saddle on eBay, and it arrived today, hooray! Just in time for me to pack it for the ride!
Friday, 5:30 pmGetting dark. I guess I’d better load Fuggle. He’s my Sweetie-Oogy-Poo-Bear, and I just wuvs him so much!!!! I hope he gets right into the trailer so we can go…he hasn’t been in it for two years, but I’m sure he’ll be fine, despite what happened last time.
Friday, 6:30 pmHe’s almost in the trailer! I’ll give him another pound of sweet feed to encourage him! He has two whorls on his head: that means that he needs lots of encouragement to reach his potential.
Friday, midnightI thought endurance people were supposed to be nice to newcomers. Everybody here was really grouchy when we came into camp a few minutes ago. Even the ride manager was a grump when I knocked on her rig door. They’re going to make me wait until morning to do my vet check—don’t they understand that the ride starts at 6am?
Saturday morning, 1:45amIt was sweet of that couple to come out of their tent and set up my metal corral panels for me after I dropped them that third time. I guess endurance people are nice. I’ll give Fuggles 15 pounds of grain for dinner so he’ll have lots of energy tomorrow, and then I’ll drink some whiskey to help me sleep….
Saturday, 4amWh-a-a-a-a-a-t??? It’s not time to get up yet! Just stay clear of my horse! Don’t you understand that he’s a STALLION?!!! I’ll get up in just...a little…more…time… (zzzzzzz)
Saturday, 6:15amStupid alarm didn’t go off! If it weren’t for Fuggles kicking down his corral panels when the other horses left camp, I’d still be asleep. Now I’ve got to see the vet and tack him up and catch up with everybody on the trail. It’s a good thing my horse really likes to gallop!
Saturday, 7:00amThat vet is ignorant, he was so busy pretending that Fuggles was going to bite that he barely admired him at all! Vets are such sissies about stallions. I guess I’ll show them all when I win this thing. I’ve seen that movie “Hidalgo” about a million times, so I know all the tricks to win.
Saturday, 7:30amOn the trail at last. We’ll gallop and catch everybody! Go like the wind, Fuggles! We are soo bee-yoootiful with the wind in his mane and the wind in my long, flowing hair. Helmets are so ugly, don’t you agree? And they make my hair all icky. I hope the ride photographer gets lots of pictures of us. Maybe we’ll be on the cover of that magazine they have.
Saturday, 8:15amNo, Fuggles, we don’t have time to stop at the water tank. We have to go FAST!
Saturday, 9:30amFound the trail again. It’s harder to watch for ribbons when I’m texting two people at once. Must remember to only text important people.
Saturday, 10:30amFound the trail again. I must have missed that turn when BFF called with the news about her and Bradsome? So upsetting. It would be okay if he was single, though…cute-o-potamus!
Saturday, 11:amThe vet says that Fuggles is Grade 2 lame, but she’s an idiot. They obviously don’t teach vets about the special gates of LipiMorstangs. Apparently I don’t get 6 hours to finish the ride like everybody else, just because I got started late. Now I only have an hour to get back to camp and win this thing! Quit eating, Fuggles, we have to race and win now!
Saturday, 11:50amWhew! We made it to camp just in time. Now they will take Fuggles’ pulse and we will be done. We didn’t finish first because we got lost so much. When I told the manager that the ribbons were confusing, she said that the other 54 riders didn’t have any trouble. She’s really a grump.
Saturday, 12:30pmWhat do you mean, that because my horse’s pulse is still 82 beats per minute I’m disqualified! THAT’S NOT FAIR! WE RODE THOSE MILES JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE! I WANT A DIFFERENT PULSER! I’M NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING! WHERE IS THE VET? I WANT TO TALK TO THE MANAGER! I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE OFF MY PRETTY SADDLE HERE IN THE DIRT, IT’S NEW AND NICE AND YOUR VET CHECK IS DIRTY! YOU ARE MEAN! MY HORSE ISN’T AN ARAB SO YOU STUPID PEOPLE DON’T WANT HIM TO WIN!
Sunday, 1 pmWell, that ride manager certainly knows how to treat people if they stick up for their rights, but I’m still outta here. All I get for all this work is a stupid tee-shirt, no points or anything, meh, it isn’t even pink and green so it won’t go with any of my outfits.
The vet doesn’t want me to leave camp because Fuggles’ heartrate is still higher than 70, but whatever, I’ve got to get back home and get my nails re-done. These people don’t deserve to have a great horse like Fuggles around here.
I’m sick of endurance and these stuck-up people.
I think I’ll do reining with Fuggles instead. I saw a pink-and-green western saddle on eBay that will look really cute on him!