In which I take liberties with sacred texts, which is not surprising
Endurance Granny has posted The Ten Commandments According to an Endurance Horse.
You know me. I just cannot leave other people's stuff alone. Sigh.
So: here it is!
You know me. I just cannot leave other people's stuff alone. Sigh.
So: here it is!
The Ten Commandments According to a STANDARDBRED
1. I am the standardbred, a truly American horse, chosen for working all day and racing all night. You will not find a horse more sensible in all the land.
2. I am the standardbred, you shall not make a carved or painted image of a prettier horse just because I have a head like a bootbox.
3. You shall not take the name of your standardbred in vain. Remember that "STB" also stands for "stubborn", and if you didn't read the small print on that part of the contract it's your own dang fault.
4. Remember the Sabbath day and leave off early from church so we can zoom around on the trails before all the fat quarter horses show up. We can practice dressage during the week, fer cryin' out loud!
5. Honor your father and your mother, while you are doing that, I think bringing me extra horse cookies on Mother's Day and Father's Day is appropriate, since your parents want you to treat me well.
6. I shall not murder the vet, for she is at the ride for my greater welfare and knows exactly where all my itchy spots are.
7. You shall not buy a backup standardbred even when somebody offers you a lovely bay pacing mare right off the track for free. No, you shall not. No. Don't do it. Not even when they offer to deliver to your house at no charge.
8. You shall not steal your neighbor's standardbred, even if she is shorter and has a prettier head and fits my saddle and looks good in my tack.
9. You shall not bear false witness against a standardbred. If you want to say something bad, let's talk about overweight quarter horses.
10. You shall not covet your neighbor's barn which is already built as opposed to the stack of building materials in your own yard. Nor shall you covet your neighbor's truck, even if it is a purple 1.5-ton Dodge 4500 crew cab with a Cummins turbo diesel engine and brand-new tires.
Very funny!
ReplyDeleteI don't actually diss most quarter horses. However, my neighbor has some that never do anything but eat and they are beyond obese, so Fiddle thinks it's okay to laugh at them.
ReplyDeleteI'd never seen a horse with a fat FACE, srsly.
I just thought I should clarify that.
Does your neighbor really have a purple 4500? I'd totally covet.
ReplyDeleteMy horse is the stubbornest creature I've ever met. Hopefully she will be good training for a STB one day.
Don't you talk bad about big heads. By now, I really think QHs look like pinheads, what with the little muzzles and little ears and little eyes. Big gawky roman nosed heads are perfectly proportioned, IMHO.
"head like a boot box" — LOL!!
ReplyDeleteI think #8 was for ME!!! ok, for Cricket, yes?
ReplyDeleteSky, you must admit that your standie is shorter and looks good in purple....;-)
ReplyDelete