Friday, November 5, 2010

In which Fiddle gives The Sensible Horse's Guide to Real Monsters

Much has been said, here and elsewhere, about Fiddle, aka Gigantor, and her stubborn, opinionated and (at times) bad-tempered view of the world.
Many people have asked, here and elsewhere, why on earth I would want a huge horse who is stubborn, opinionated and (at times) bad-tempered.

Lemme tell you: Fiddle is lots of things, and some of them aren't very nice.

She is also extremely sensible. It only takes a few thousand miles of riding a non-sensible steed to give a person a lifetime appreciation for a sensible horse.

Horses Of The World: listen up.

Fiddle is about to share a Virtue with y'all. So pull on your big-girl panties (or big-boy panties, if that's more appropriate),
and pay attention.

This is a mud puddle:
It is not a dragon. It is not a troll. It is not a snake. If you live in a Swamp, you will see these. Get used to mud puddles, they are everywhere, and they are not monsters.

This is a creek:
It is made of water. It is not made of lava. It is not full of crocodiles.
If you live in a Swamp, you will need to cross through creeks. They are not monsters.

This is a leaf, on the ground.
Leaves are not voracious. They are not tenacious. They are not venomous. Get a grip and walk on by. You will be fine.

This is a log across the trail.
The log is small. You are big. Get over it (literally).

This is mud on the trail.
It will not suck you into the center of the earth and digest you slowly and painfully over the course of several thousand years. It's just wet dirt. Walk on.

This is the big scary pipe:
Big scary pipes are not carnivorous in our latitude. They are only distantly related to the carnivorous big scary pipes of the tropical regions. This particular big scary pipe has been dormant for more than ten years. It hasn't eaten so much as a pony in all of that time. Notice that the teeth in the mouth of the big scary pipe have completely disintegrated from lack of use.
Walk past this big scary pipe with your quiet footsteps and you will be fine.

This is a fern. Not dangerous.

Another fern. Still not dangerous.
Stump. Smells weird. Looks odd. Not dangerous. Walk on.
Strange piece of paper on the ground. Strange pieces of paper are clear evidence of litterbugs--which are toxic in large quantities, but this little piece of paper represents only 1 part-per-million, and thus is not a danger to you, you big sissy. Walk on.

This abandoned piece of blue logging equipment is sufficiently odd to require one ear to point at it, just in case it lumbers towards you. Logging equipment is slow and heavy. You are fast.
If this thing ever wakes up, you'll have plenty of time to walk away from it. Keep going.

These are big. They are weird-looking. They hiss in the rain.
Who cares?

A bridge.
This one has been fumigated recently: no trolls.

This stump has weird lichen growing on it. Looks like Cheetos.
Doesn't taste like Cheetos, though. Bleck. Not dangerous, but not food, either.


Remember about leaves on the ground (mentioned earlier)?
This is the exception!

Stop, stare, huff and puff and blow the woods down before tippy-toe trotting past this dangerous creature.

Whew! That was a close call!

It surely is pretty here.






Wait! What's that strange creature stalking through the grass towards me?
Oh.

Never mind.

I just remembered that I'm not afraid of those, either.

13 comments:

  1. You are funny and Fiddle is sensibly brilliant!

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  2. Very funny! You're right, sensible is worth a huge amount on the trail - love her lectures to the other horses!

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  3. No like button here so I will have to do it manually:

    "LIKE"

    ~E.G.

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  4. That is funny :-)

    Personally, I like a more challenging horse. Fiddle has a lot of personality and it comes out in your writing.

    My boy is sensible MOST of the time. He does have the occasional issue though.... He does not like anything that is flapping, especially when it's higher then his head (flags). Water and mud puddles can be interesting in that he will go through some of them without batting an eye....while others are a bit "scary."

    Griffin's biggest fears though are with tractors and large, loud vehicles (cars and regular trucks are fine). He is terrified of tractors and while he has gotten better -- he is still very wary of them when they are in the area of where we are working.

    I sometimes wonder how they got him around the track. When I went there to see him, there were tractors all over the place, buzzing around while the horses worked! My poor boy. I wonder if he'd had a bad experience with one at some point before I got him :-(

    Still....I work with him with them whenever I get the opportunity and he HAS gotten improved. I always tell him how brave he is and how proud of him I am! :-D

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  5. Gee. Seems like, if one were to find a creek with crocodiles in it, one could use that lovely blue piece of logging equipment to fashion a bridge!
    Nice, concise guide to being sensible, Miss Fiddle.

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  6. As an owner of a stubborn, too-smart-for-his-own-good horse with a wild streak that makes people who knew him in his younger years exclaim, "You still HAVE that thing?" I appreciate this entry. I roared from start to finish. Way to go Fiddle!

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  7. Fiddle is definitely a smart girl. You can't trust those green leaves!

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  8. Sometimes as the steward of the horse you see something that "will be" underneath all those mare ears. So many people have said horrid things about my little mare because she gives stink eye and flattens her ears at others, is just a testing dominent type mare, and yes I have to "reset" the boundaries now and then, but underneath all of that I see an intelligent thinking sensitive horse. Most would have given up and thrown my Phebes away, but I think she's worth the effort once you get there. (it also miffs me off a little when people use the "B" word ). ~E.G.

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  9. Having had this exact ride Wednesday, on a sensible horse, I can say I was very happy not be be drinking any beverages while I was reading. (making unladylike snorting noises)

    Bicycles flew by us around blind curves. They are idiots, but we don't care. The large puddle of water on the ground though, we had to stare it down, to make sure it knew we wouldn't put up with being attacked.

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  10. Lol. Wait, I have a sensible horse for sale, and I'm keeping the ijeet who is SURE mud puddles eat grey horses (and he therefore must take them, with no warning, at something between a canter jump and a camel jump: oh dear, the people behind me just fell off laughing). Go Fiddle go!

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  11. I think I'll print this off and read it to Cartman tonite while he has his grain :)
    My favorite? Its not lava!!! Too funny.
    Karen W.

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  12. Congratulations.

    You just made me laugh out loud at my own office... hope the boss-man didn't hear me. :)

    This is one of the best posts ever. :)

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