In which Fiddle gives The Sensible Horse's Guide to Real Monsters
Much has been said, here and elsewhere, about Fiddle, aka Gigantor, and her stubborn, opinionated and (at times) bad-tempered view of the world.
Many people have asked, here and elsewhere, why on earth I would want a huge horse who is stubborn, opinionated and (at times) bad-tempered.
Lemme tell you: Fiddle is lots of things, and some of them aren't very nice.
She is also extremely sensible. It only takes a few thousand miles of riding a non-sensible steed to give a person a lifetime appreciation for a sensible horse.
Horses Of The World: listen up.
Fiddle is about to share a Virtue with y'all. So pull on your big-girl panties (or big-boy panties, if that's more appropriate),
and pay attention.
This is a mud puddle:
It is not a dragon. It is not a troll. It is not a snake. If you live in a Swamp, you will see these. Get used to mud puddles, they are everywhere, and they are not monsters.
This is a creek:
It is made of water. It is not made of lava. It is not full of crocodiles.
If you live in a Swamp, you will need to cross through creeks. They are not monsters.
This is a leaf, on the ground.
Leaves are not voracious. They are not tenacious. They are not venomous. Get a grip and walk on by. You will be fine.
This is a log across the trail.
The log is small. You are big. Get over it (literally).
This is mud on the trail.
It will not suck you into the center of the earth and digest you slowly and painfully over the course of several thousand years. It's just wet dirt. Walk on.
This is the big scary pipe:
Big scary pipes are not carnivorous in our latitude. They are only distantly related to the carnivorous big scary pipes of the tropical regions. This particular big scary pipe has been dormant for more than ten years. It hasn't eaten so much as a pony in all of that time. Notice that the teeth in the mouth of the big scary pipe have completely disintegrated from lack of use.
Walk past this big scary pipe with your quiet footsteps and you will be fine.
This is a fern. Not dangerous.
Another fern. Still not dangerous.
Stump. Smells weird. Looks odd. Not dangerous. Walk on.
Strange piece of paper on the ground. Strange pieces of paper are clear evidence of litterbugs--which are toxic in large quantities, but this little piece of paper represents only 1 part-per-million, and thus is not a danger to you, you big sissy. Walk on.
This abandoned piece of blue logging equipment is sufficiently odd to require one ear to point at it, just in case it lumbers towards you. Logging equipment is slow and heavy. You are fast.
If this thing ever wakes up, you'll have plenty of time to walk away from it. Keep going.
These are big. They are weird-looking. They hiss in the rain.
This one has been fumigated recently: no trolls.
This stump has weird lichen growing on it. Looks like Cheetos.
Doesn't taste like Cheetos, though. Bleck. Not dangerous, but not food, either.
Remember about leaves on the ground (mentioned earlier)?
This is the exception!
Stop, stare, huff and puff and blow the woods down before tippy-toe trotting past this dangerous creature.
Whew! That was a close call!