In which "World War Z" is NOT an apocolypse led by the zombies

It occurs to me that not everyone knows and appreciates the significance of zucchini.

Yesterday's harvest

 Here's stuff to know about zucchini: 

• The Swamplandish climate is ideal for the growing of zucchini
• Each zucchini seed packet contains about 15 seeds
• 15 zucchini plants, planted in our ideal Swamplandish climate, will produce in an average season enough squash to feed the entired United States Armed Forces.  For about 4 years.

Today's harvest.  Note that each squash is approximately 12" long.

Here's another thing about zucchini:  everybody plants it.

In fact, almost everybody plants all 15 seeds.  Which means that, every August, each and every household in the entire Swampland produces enough zucchini to feed the entire US Armed Forces (at home and abroad). 

The mathematicians among us have already figured out the problem:
Too many zukes.

What can be done with all this squash?

A normal family cannot possibly eat them all when they come ripe.  There is a limit to the amount of freezer room that anybody wants to designate for "shredded squash."  And all the neighbors are growing it, so the "gift" of zucchini is akin to the "gift" of bubonic plague.

Part of the problem is the cultural baggage associated with growing zucchini.  A person who "can't grow zucchini" is not just a lousy gardener; it's sort of a polite way to say that the person is a complete waste of carbon.  Nobody wants that label.  So everyone grows zucchini.

Stealth zucchini. 
Green zukes are much harder to detect than their yellow brethren, and therefore
 can easily grow to the size of preschoolers before they are noticed and harvested.

 The result:  zucchini bombings.

It is culturally accepted here that, if somebody is innocent dumb enough to leave their vehicle unlocked in a public place, that person fully deserves to find a bushel of squash on the front seat.  Every single day.

Unguarded front porches are similarly vulnerable to z-bombings. 

Jim displays a mutant zuke. Do not encourage these to propogate!

Truly desperate gardeners, overwhelmed by zukes, have been known to enter the homes of neighbors who trustingly leave their keys so that folks can feed the cat, and stash zucchini in the fridge.

People like my brother, a veteran of Zuke Bombings (from his sister?  ya think?) double-lock the doors and hide under the furniture until First Frost. 

Nobody leaves a squash in this truck while the Floofs are on duty!

 My solution:  the Zucchini Defense Squad (ZDS).  Pickles is new to the duty of keeping squash bombers away, but she is learning the skills quickly from veteran Defenders Mimsy and Luna.

The only good zuke is a ....  

IF YOU ARE THE VICTIM OF A ZUCCHINI BOMBING:

Here's a recipe that might help.

Chocolate-Orange-Zucchini Brownies

1 cup agave nectar

1/4 cup canola oil

3/4 cup applesauce

3 eggs

1 tsp vanilla

1/2 cup yogurt

2 cups (or more) grated zucchini

2 cups flour

1 cup cocoa

1/2 teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons baking soda

1 teaspoon allspice (optional)

1.5 teaspoon cinnamon

orange peel to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.  Lightly grease brownie pan. 

In medium bowl, mix together agave, oil, eggs, vanilla, yogurt, zuke.

In a separate large bowl, mix together all of the dry ingredients.  Add the liquid ingredients and mix until well-combined.  Spoon batter into muffin pan (extra batter can go into muffin tins). 

Bake for 35 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

The resulting brownies are not unwelcome at church gatherings and office parties. 

Except in August.