- The Swamplandish climate is ideal for the growing of zucchini
- Each zucchini seed packet contains about 15 seeds
- 15 zucchini plants, planted in our ideal Swamplandish climate, will produce in an average season enough squash to feed the entired United States Armed Forces. For about 4 years.
|Today's harvest. Note that each squash is approximately 12" long.|
In fact, almost everybody plants all 15 seeds. Which means that, every August, each and every household in the entire Swampland produces enough zucchini to feed the entire US Armed Forces (at home and abroad).
The mathematicians among us have already figured out the problem:
Too many zukes.
A normal family cannot possibly eat them all when they come ripe. There is a limit to the amount of freezer room that anybody wants to designate for "shredded squash." And all the neighbors are growing it, so the "gift" of zucchini is akin to the "gift" of bubonic plague.
Part of the problem is the cultural baggage associated with growing zucchini. A person who "can't grow zucchini" is not just a lousy gardener; it's sort of a polite way to say that the person is a complete waste of carbon. Nobody wants that label. So everyone grows zucchini.
|Stealth zucchini. |
Green zukes are much harder to detect than their yellow brethren, and therefore
can easily grow to the size of preschoolers before they are noticed and harvested.
It is culturally accepted here that, if somebody is
Unguarded front porches are similarly vulnerable to z-bombings.
|Jim displays a mutant zuke. Do not encourage these to propogate!|
People like my brother, a veteran of Zuke Bombings (from his sister? ya think?) double-lock the doors and hide under the furniture until First Frost.
|Nobody leaves a squash in this truck while the Floofs are on duty!|
|The only good zuke is a ....|
Here's a recipe that might help.
1 cup agave nectar
1/4 cup canola oil
3/4 cup applesauce
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup yogurt
2 cups (or more) grated zucchini
2 cups flour
1 cup cocoa
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon allspice (optional)
1.5 teaspoon cinnamon
orange peel to taste
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Lightly grease brownie pan.
In medium bowl, mix together agave, oil, eggs, vanilla, yogurt, zuke.
In a separate large bowl, mix together all of the dry ingredients. Add the liquid ingredients and mix until well-combined. Spoon batter into muffin pan (extra batter can go into muffin tins).
Bake for 35 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.
The resulting brownies are not unwelcome at church gatherings and office parties.
Except in August.